We've got a two-fer Happy Hour special today . . .

Caught in the ‘hood, an old soldier and a faux figther stand sentry outside our Wilshire offices.

The Wanna-Be started its unhappy life as a humble Jeep Commander (MSRP: $38,900) powered by a 4.7L V-8 with Quadra-Drive, and as such, it was plenty capable of tackling many stout trails while remaining eminently streetable. But after being burdened with a torch-and-weld IFS lift, hundreds of pounds of needless bolt-on stuff (this rig seldom sees dirt) and wheelwell-crunching 33s, the poor thing can barely get out of its own way anymore, though that doesn’t stop some wretch from using it as his daily driver anyway.

The CUCV, on the other hand, runs a wheeler’s wish list of ultra-stout parts: GM 6.2L old-school diesel, TH 400, NP 208 ‘case, Powr-Lok’d Dana 60 front (!) and Corporate 14-bolt rear axle with 4.56 gears and a Detroit out back. A Skyjacker Softride suspension clears 37x13.50 BFG Mud-Terrains, a Banks turbo provides underhood pep, and best of all, the rig’s proud owner bought it as government surplus for less than $2,500. And yes, it’s driven daily, to and from the office, and to the trails as well. Proof positive that when it comes to doing battle against off-road obstacles, there’s no place for sunshine patriots.

The Army truck has an honest-to-goodness stakebed, and with 1-ton running gear, can certainly haul a lot of stuff. G.I Joe doesn’t even have a bed, and can barely handle a spare tire on its roof.

The Army truck has real locking hubs. The Wanna-be truck . . . well, ya know.

G.I. Joe has this cool Warn 9.5ti that gets used frequently whenever it ventures off the pavement. The real Army truck doesn’t need one.